Mom: its him
Mom: and that guy who killed ur boyfriend
Reg: :| Why do you have to say it like that every time?
Mom: bcaus it upsets u
Mom: y does he keep recahrging if he wold stop that i could finish him off
Mom: looks like i fell again i fall a lot in this game
Mom: liara saved me!
Mom: ok so now ill kill this guy and help wizard planet
Mom: y am i not helping
Mom: this is another place where u cant save every1 isnt it
Mom: does no1 realize that this just makes me angrier
Mom: time 2 go hunting
…sometimes, you scare me.
“Does no one realize that this just makes me angrier?”
Reg’s Mom, you summed up my response to life perfectly.
Mom: this guy is trying 2 kill teh council
Mom: udina set this up?
Mom: doesnt he no
Mom: im the only 1 allowed 2 kill the council
Reg: You might want to tell him that.
Mom: i will
Mom: mayb by putting a bullet in his head
Mom: do u think that will work
I think the dev team will do you one better. In 20 hours.
I put Anderson on the council, not Udina! I did it because Udina’s a scumbag! So when I booted up ME3 and met Councillor Udina, I knew someone did it for plot purposes. Stupid plot purposes that could’ve totally been avoided if the game had left Anderson on the council, just like I asked. I was miffed.
Mom: So because of the turian signal, I’m going to Grissom.
Reg: Not a bad choice.
Mom: Why is— [heavy sigh] There are new systems to scan.
Reg: At least it’s not as involved as ME2, right? And you get nifty and helpful things.
Mom: I know, but it’s just that I start going from one to the other and I lose track of which ones I’ve been to. Let’s take Beans and… Grandpa Javik.
Reg: …grandpa Javik.
Mom: He’s old enough. Fifty thousand years.
Reg: Grandpa Javik.
Mom: We just need to get him a cigar.
Reg: [picks up phone] Hey, Mom, what’s up?
Mom: That Asari councilwoman told me my summit was a waste of time!
Reg: …yessss. She does that.
Mom: How can she say that? How can any of them say that? I consistently save the universe. I consistently help everyone!
Reg: Well, there was that one time you killed three hundred thousand-odd batarians.
Mom: Nobody likes them anyway, and that’s besides the point. The point—the point is that I’m Commander Shepard. I destroyed Sovereign. I talked back to Harbinger. And I’m going to unite the turians and the krogan and then laugh in that woman’s face.
Reg: You feel very strongly about this.
Mom: Of course I do! They tell me over and over that I’m wrong and I’m wasting my time, when I’ve been right from day one! Arguing with them is like arguing with—with— [sputters] With something dumber than a rock! [pause] How’s work going, sweetie? Are you having a good day?
I’m having a better one having listened to that, let me tell you.
Me: You stupid asari diplomat! Too scared to come to terms with what’s really going on! I’m gonna save your sorry blue ass whether you like it or not, I’m gonna save fucking Thessia without your permission, and in the end, YOU WILL ADMIT YOU WERE WRONG AND THANK ME!
Husband: Dude, chill.